


What's Love Without Sacrifice?

by Nadja_Lee



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Abused Alec Lightwood, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Anal Sex, Angst, BAMF Jace Wayland, BAMF Magnus Bane, Bittersweet, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Homophobia, Humiliation, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Malec is endgame, Memory Alteration, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Name-Calling, Parabatai Bond, Prince of Hell Magnus Bane, Protective Jace Wayland, Protective Magnus Bane, Protective Siblings, Punishment, Revenge, Rough Oral Sex, Sacrifice, Self-Sacrificing Alec Lightwood, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Coercion, Torture, Victor Aldertree Being An Asshole, sex as payment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:09:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24252610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: This story is about how much we will endure and sacrifice for love; in this case, the love Alec has for Magnus and for his parabatai and the love Magnus has for Alec and Jace has for his parabatai.Alec goes to see Victor Aldertree to ask him to release Jace from the City of Bones. Aldertree thinks he has found a way to break the boy who defied the Clave in a way that will ensure Alec will never even consider disobeying the Clave ever again. He didn’t contemplate that Magnus and Jace would make him pay for what he did and help ensure that all of Alec’s dreams for a changed world would indeed come to pass.Go directly to chapter 2 to avoid reading how Aldertree breaks Alec. All the main warnings go on chapter 1 so as mentioned go to chapter 2 if you want to avoid them.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Victor Aldertree/Alec Lightwood (One-Sided)
Comments: 56
Kudos: 983
Collections: Shadowhunters Challenges - Rare Pairs





	1. Breaking Alec

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aldertree finds a way to break Alec to ensure he never challenges the Clave ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to my awesome and overworked beta readers Monochromatize and Cindy for great work as always.  
> Thanks so much to Regina for the great art.  
> Chapter warnings: All the main warnings are in this chapter. Aldertree decides that the way to break Alec is by humiliating him so he has oral and then anal sex with him. Aldertree's racist thoughts of Downworlders and homophobic thoughts are also mentioned. Furthermore, explicit oral and anal sex and verbal humiliation and name-calling.  
> Just to be clear: The sex is not about enjoyment. It is a transaction; a kind of prostitution if you will. Or maybe more coerced sex as Alec does it to get something and prevent something.

**Please read chapter notes for chapter warnings**

# Chapter 1: Breaking Alec

Aldertree was in a good mood. The arrest of Jace Morgenstern at the residence of Magnus Bane less than two hours ago had been a huge win for him. He had informed the Clave and had just a few moments ago sent Jace from his holding cell at the Institute to the City of Bones to be interrogated by the Silent Brothers. Things were starting to go his way.

The New York Institute had been riddled with scandal since Alec Lightwood had very publicly defied the Clave and all Idris’ customs and laws by abandoning his bride-to-be at the altar and kissing a man, a Downworlder no less, in public! Jace defecting to Valentine after it became clear he was Valentine’s son hadn’t helped the Institute nor the Lightwoods. Aldertree was here to ensure order was restored and get things back to how they were meant to be.

He had started by ensuring the Downworlders who had defied Clave law were punished. He had begun with Raphael, as he had been easiest to punish; under threat of arrest and eventual death Raphael had shown up in his office and Aldertree had enjoyed using his experience and skills with torture on the vampire. Not only was it a punishment for the vampire but it was a punishment for the High Warlock, Magnus Bane, until he could find another way to get to him. Magnus had not only interrupted Alec’s wedding and started Alec’s own betrayal but had harmed Raj, a loyal Shadowhunter, while being at the Institute. Such behavior had to be punished.

Then of course there was Alec Lightwood himself. None deserved punishment more. None was as dangerous to the Clave and Idris than him. His very public defiance of everything Idris was and stood for had to be addressed. Alec was dangerous for he thought strategically. He was already starting to become a symbol for change; for a different way to approach Downworlders, for same-sex relations. He had to be stopped. The question was just how to break a man with a vision? A man of conviction?

Aldertree’s musings were interrupted by a knock on the door to his office.

“Enter,” Aldertree said, turning in his chair to face the door.

Alec entered the room and stood at attention before his desk, his hands clasped behind his back. He looked better than when Aldertree had seen him when he had arrested Jace two hours ago. However, he still looked weak and drained, his skin clammy and pale. He was clearly still suffering from being separated from his parabatai; a fact Aldertree filed away as useful and something he could potentially use against him. Given how protective the Warlock was of Alec Aldertree had no doubt the Shadowhunter had had to fight hard to make it here in this condition.

“Sir,” Alec acknowledged.

“Alexander Lightwood. I was just thinking about you,” Aldertree said evenly.

“Sir, I want to talk to you about Jace,” Alec said matter of fact, clearly fighting to not show his anxiety and fear for his parabatai.

Aldertree gave him a searching look. He looked desperate. His soul was clearly still craving his parabatai; the union had been too brief. He could see Alec was fighting not to show his hands were shaking slightly from the physical effects of the separation. Hmm. Maybe he could use this to his advantage. He loved desperate people; they were so much easier to control, to manipulate.

“I thought so,” Aldertree admitted, having never thought Alec would just let this matter rest. “You look weak. Why don’t you sit?” Aldertree said with fake concern, waving at a chair behind Alec.

“I prefer to stand, Sir,” Alec insisted.

“Very well. What can I do for you?” Aldertree asked, waiting eagerly for Alec to show his hand so he would have him just where he wanted him.

“As I said I want to talk about Jace,” Alec started again.

“What about him? He’s at the City Of Bones,” Aldertree interrupted, getting impatient.

“What will you do to him?” Alec asked, a hint of a challenge in his eyes that Aldertree didn’t like.

“The same as with everyone accused of being a traitor. He will hold the Soul Sword and if he is found guilty he will be put before a jury and judged,” Aldertree replied.

“Jace is not a traitor!” Alec protested hotly. “Even if he is Valentine’s son what does it matter? So is Clary. I don’t see you locking her up!”

Aldertree narrowed his eyes at him as he warned, “Don’t tempt me.”

Alec sank, trying to get his raw emotions under control.

“Look, it was all a misunderstanding,” Alec said instead.

“Alexander, you are on very shaky ground yourself. I would not push this issue if I were you,” Aldertree warned.

“What do you mean?” Alec asked with a hint of puzzlement.

“You not only broke the promised alliance between your family and Lydia’s, you kissed a man, a Warlock, no less. In front of everyone! In clear defiance of all Idris rules, laws and customs,” Aldertree reminded him in a scandalized tone.

“So what? You want to punish me?” Alec asked directly.

“Alexander, you were always going to be punished for that. You are too intelligent to have ever believed otherwise. Or did you really think the Clave would just ignore such an insult?” Aldertree asked almost kindly.

“No,” Alec admitted with hint of worry for the coming punishment clear in his tone. He seemed to consider it all for a while before he offered in a strong tone, “Then do what you must and give whatever punishment Jace has due to me.”

“Alexander, your crime is so much worse than his. As you mentioned the boy cannot really help his blood. Your betrayal was deliberate and on purpose,” Aldertree said slowly, enjoying drawing it out, enjoying seeing Alec squirming, getting more and more desperate.

Alec struggled with himself before he seemed to give up.

“What do you want in order to let Jace go?” Alec finally asked, giving him a searching look.

Aldertree smirked in triumph.

“The same as I wanted from your vampire friend Raphael,” Aldertree revealed.

“Torture?” Alec asked, a hint of fear in his eyes but his tone revealed he had expected as much.

Aldertree shook his head as he explained, “Submission. By the time I let him go, he knew his place. By the time I let you go you will know yours.”

Alec paled, clearly unsure what to say to that.

“So… if I do what you want you will let Jace go?” Alec insisted, his voice somewhere between pleading and desperation.

Aldertree smiled evilly; breaking the boy would be a piece of cake.

“Yes.”

“Right away?” Alec insisted.

“As soon as I let you go out of here; yes,” Aldertree promised.

Aldertree had already spoken with the Clave about this matter; Jace’s defection had clearly been unique and unlikely to happen again. Obviously he had come back for his parabatai and if they controlled Alec as Aldertree planned for them to do…then they had won!

“Straight to Magnus’ loft?” Alec persisted.

“Yes. I can have them bring him straight there.”

“And he gets to keep his rank and position,” Alec said strongly.

“Agreed.”

“And you will not have harmed a hair on his head,” Alec went on, giving Aldertree a warning look.

“He has barely even been brought to the City of Bones,” Aldertree revealed.

Alec thought about it, the deal. His submission for Jace’s freedom. So what? He had to give up a bit of his pride, endure a bit of humiliation? He could do that for Jace. Of course, he could.

“Very well,” Alec agreed. He then took a deep breath to calm himself before he asked, “What do you want from me?”

Aldertree gave him a look filled with dark amusement as he asked, “You think it will be that easy? That you won’t break?”

“I can bear it,” Alec insisted strongly.

“Let’s see about that,” Aldertree said darkly.

Aldertree rose and walked around the table until he was standing next to Alec.

“Kneel before me,” Aldertree ordered.

Alec gave him a shocked look.

“What?” Alec got out, having expected to be hit or another type of physical torture.

Aldertree smirked darkly; not so easy to bear humiliation for someone else now, was it? Pain; yes. All Shadowhunters had learned how to withstand pain from early childhood. However, to be humiliated and broken down like this for someone else…Aldertree was certain Alec would break soon.

“I told you; I want your submission. I want your loyalty. If you can’t be loyal out of faith and conviction then I will take it like this,” Aldertree told him in a frank tone.

Alec gave him a piercing look, fighting his emotions.

“Fine!” Alec got out.

Anger and humiliation made his cheeks color and his hands form fists, as Alec looked down, unable to maintain eye contact as he went to his knees on the floor.

Aldertree looked down at the kneeling Nephilim. Alec might have a stronger spirit than he had let on. Everyone who knew the Lightwoods knew of the high demands that had been put on Alec and the high price he bore for failing. However, Aldertree was also certain he knew how to break him. The one secret, the hidden shame, Alec had carried with him for years and years. The fact that he was gay. He could use that to his advantage; to break the boy and make him return to the fold and once again belong to the Clave.

Aldertree fisted Alec’s hair painfully and forced his head back and up so he was looking at him. Alec hissed at the pain but at the last moment stopped himself from struggling against his grip.

“How many men have you given blowjobs? How many Downworlders have you let use you like that? Defile your angel blood?” Aldertree spat out, enjoying the blush and how Alec had to fight to look him in the eyes as he heard the crude words.

“What?! None!” Alec denied.

“I know your kind. You can’t keep it in your pants,” Aldertree said with disgust, giving him a look up and down as if he was measuring him and finding him wanting.

“Your bigotry is astounding,” Alec spat out, his eyes aglow with anger.

Alec’s defiance took Aldertree by surprise and his eyes narrowed in anger as he got out, “Cocky.”

He managed to one handed unzip his pants and pull out his cock. Alec’s eyes widened and he tried to pull at bit back from him.

“Let’s see if this won’t make you shut up,” Aldertree insisted, stroking himself a few times before putting his half-hard cock against Alec’s lips.

“What? Wait!” Alec protested, turning his face again. He had never done this before. He had wanted to do this with Magnus; he was meant to be his first everything!

Aldertree smirked; well, guess he had found the right away to break the boy.

“Did you want this deal or not?” Aldertree asked impatiently.

“Yes, but…” Alec began, trying to fight his shame and nervousness.

Izzy used sex to get what she wanted all the time; she had had sex with Meliorn for example to get intel on the Seelies. This was the same, right? He could do this.

“The deal was you are mine, here, and Jace goes free. You can get up and leave at any time but if you don’t obey me, if you choose to leave….then the deal is off and Jace stays in the City of Bones,” Aldertree warned him.

“You aren’t gay,” Alec said confused, trying to look anywhere but the cock near his face, unable to understand why he would ask for this when he could have asked for literally anything else from him.

“What does that have to do with anything? You are such a naive boy! This is about power!” Aldertree said darkly.

Sexual humiliation was a key element in the torture Aldertree had been trained to perform on Downworlders and traitors to the Clave alike. It often worked so much better than physical torture; it was just about finding the right way to break the person. He was sure he had found it with Alec.

Alec thought about the other Shadowhunters he knew. He thought of Jace and Izzy and how they, despite being younger than he was, easily used sex to get whatever they wanted. If they could do it then he could do it!

“Fine,” Alec said through clashed teeth, his cheeks turning bright red.

To add to the boy’s humiliation Aldertree released his hair, still holding his cock with one hand but making sure Alec would have to do all the work; take all the initiative.

“Bite me and Jace stays where he is,” Aldertree warned as Alec moved closer to his cock.

Aldertree hadn’t actually had a blowjob from a male before but a mouth was a mouth and Alec seemed to attack the task with military precision, although with an unusual lack of coordination for someone Aldertree was still certain had had many lovers. That was after all the common belief in Idris about gay males; that they had multiple lovers, were never, and could never be faithful to one partner.

“Ah! Not as bad as I had thought,” Aldertree admitted as Alec moved up and down on his cock, his cheeks burning red, as he had to put his hands on Aldertree’s thighs to better support himself.

“Use your tongue,” Aldertree demanded and smirked when Alec obeyed.

Aldertree let Alec bob up and down on his cock a few more times before he spoke again, “You know, when I am done with you not even a libertine like your Warlock will want you back.”

Aldertree smiled in triumph when Alec couldn’t help a small shiver at his words although he didn’t otherwise react. Thinking it was time for stage two, to get this over with, Aldertree fisted Alec’s hair.

“Relax,” Aldertree ordered before he pushed his cock as far down Alec’s throat as he could.

Alec fought against Aldertree’s hold on him and he let him go.

“Fuck!” Alec got out, gagging, fighting to breathe, tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

“I said relax!” Aldertree scowled, giving him a disapproving look.

“It’s a reflex. You can’t go that far down. I…” Alec started to protest, his voice sounding raw and wrecked from the blowjob already.

“Shut up!” Aldertree thundered. “Learn to control yourself or Jace stays put.”

Alec took a deep breath and a look of strength and conviction came to his eyes as he remembered why he was doing this.

“Ok,” Alec said almost to himself before he moved back to take Aldertree into his mouth.

Alec slowly took Aldertree further and further down, ignoring his gag reflex until he was all the way down.

“That’s it. I knew you were an eager slut,” Aldertree said darkly, a look of expectation in his eyes as he saw how his words made Alec fight to continue the blowjob.

Aldertree put a hand in Alec’s hair and used his grip to start a brutal rhythm up and down on his cock, making Alec fight to follow along the punishing pace.

“That’s it. Take me deep. Show me how much you like this,” Aldertree mumbled, seeing in satisfaction how the words made Alec seem to draw in on himself.

Aldertree pushed in as deep as he could go and Alec again fought his hold and Aldertree let him go at once.

“Ahh,” Alec got out, gasping for air, tears staining his red cheeks, his pale skin even paler.

“You know, you are not very good at this. I am starting to think you don’t want to see Jace free,” Aldertree mocked.

Alec gave him a look filled with anger and determination as he moved back into position and restarted the blowjob with ferocity.

“That’s better. Like that,” Aldertree said, breathing deep as he felt his orgasm draw nearer after Alec had worked his cock hard.

“That’s enough,” Aldertree ordered when he felt he was close, pushing Alec back and pulled out.

He gave Alec a dark look, thinking of the best way to push the boy over the edge and make him truly break. He was still too defiant, even like this, on his knees, pale and weak, gagging and tearstained.

“Beg me to come on your face,” Aldertree demanded.

Alec fought his shame and humiliation as he started to say, “C...Come….”

When Alec’s voice died away Aldertree couldn’t help but remind him in a dark tone, “You can always leave you know. Jace will just stay in the City of Bones.”

Those words made Alec find his voice as he got out, stammering, blushing deeply, “Come on my face.”

“Well done,” Aldertree said with an evil grin, holding himself with one hand. “Now, catch and swallow as much of it as you can.”

“What?” Alec asked surprised.

“You heard me,” Aldertree insisted. “Or you can leave and Jace….”

“Fine!” Alec said darkly, nodding that he could continue.

Aldertree grinned darkly down at him as he started to pump himself faster and faster.

“Fuck!” Aldertree got out as he came all over Alec’s face, breathing hard, smiling in triumph as Alec fought to catch and swallow as much of his cum as he could, his cheeks burning with humiliation.

Aldertree fought to come down from his high as Alec breathed in and out to try to calm himself down. He took a hand to his face, the hand shaking a bit.

“Stop!” Aldertree ordered as he rearranged his clothes.

“What?” Alec asked apprehensively, stopping his movements.

“I didn’t tell you that you could wipe it off,” Aldertree said with an evil grin. “It suits you; covered in cum like that. I assume it happens for you quite a lot, doesn’t it?”

Alec blushed furiously but let his hand fall back to his side, forming a fist, his lips a thin line.

“Is that….are we done? Will you free Jace now?” Alec asked, his voice small and raw, sounding wrecked and abused, forcing himself to look up at Aldertree as he spoke.

Aldertree looked down at the kneeling Nephilim, frowning. He should have broken by now. There was still defiance in his eyes, strength in his gaze. How could he still hang on? What was he drawing on to keep going? His parabatai? His strength? The Warlock and his love? Well, that just wouldn’t do!

“Not yet,” Aldertree said forebodingly.

Alec’s eyes widened in dismay.

“But I have done everything you have asked,” Alec protested.

“Yes but you haven’t shown me what I want to see yet,” Aldertree admitted frankly.

“The deal was I did what you asked. I have,” Alec insisted as strongly as his weak voice allowed him to.

Aldertree took a firm grip on Alec’s chin, turning his face from side to side to see the mess he had left there. Alec allowed the touch with stoic humiliation and anger.

“I guess I underestimated how much of a slut you clearly are,” Aldertree commented, almost conversationally, as he released his hold on him.

“What?” Alec protested.

“Well, I guess you let Downworlders use your mouth all the time, don’t you? In that Downworlder club?” Aldertree accused, thinking he had understood another reason why Alec hadn’t broken yet.

He probably had all kinds of demon-blooded creatures’ use his mouth every other night out back from that infernal Downworlder club Magnus Bane owned. No, something more was needed. Something that would break Alec’s willpower for good, break his link to the strength he took from the Warlock and his parabatai and finally break him!

“You’re delusional,” Alec said darkly.

Aldertree gave him a displeased look. The boy was far too defiant for someone on their knees, tearstained and with splashes of white all over their face. An idea came to him; he knew how to break Alec!

“Stand up and bend over the desk,” Aldertree ordered sharply.

Alec paled and sank as he finally got out, “What?”

“Go on,” Aldertree ordered, waving impatiently towards the desk.

Alec’s face showed everything Aldertree had hoped for; dread and just the right amount of shame and humiliation.

“No,” Alec denied, shaking his head. This was not how his first time would happen. No. That couldn’t be right.

“No, not that,” Alec insisted.

“Ah,” Aldertree said with a satisfied and evil smile. “Finally we found something you are not happy about, hmm?”

“Ask for something else,” Alec requested, his voice strong but his eyes were wavering, his voice holding a beginning edge of a plea.

Aldertree grinned in victory. Finally! He was getting closer to breaking him.

“No. You forget; you are not in power here,” Aldertree warned. “I am! That’s what this whole thing is about.”

Alec took a deep breath, looking from the desk to Aldertree and then back to the desk. Then his eyes went to the floor.

“I…I can’t do that,” Alec got out in a small voice, his cheeks aflame with humiliation.

“Well, then I guess Jace stays where he is,” Aldertree said almost conversationally, feeling his victory was so close he could almost smell it. “So much could happen to him there. He could be lost in the system. Transferred…. Thrown in with other prisoners. I bet a lot of Downworlders would love to amuse themselves with Valentine’s son.”

It was a lie of course; he had no such power to do any of that but threats didn’t need to be real to work. They just needed to be believed. From the fear and horror on Alec’s face then it had worked perfectly.

“What?” Alec asked shocked. “No. You wouldn’t.”

“I can. I will,” Aldertree insisted, crossing his arms over his chest and nodding towards the desk.

“Someone would….” Alec tried desperately.

“No one would do anything to save Valentine’s son!” Aldertree interrupted sharply, seeing Alec recoil when he said the lie as if he had been slapped.

“What will it be?” Aldertree asked impatiently, knowing Alec would give in, knowing this would work. Victory was at hand. “You know where this is going. You can stop this but you know what that means.”

Alec was quiet, thoughtful, his hands fists, thinking it over. People had sex all the time and it didn’t matter; it didn’t mean anything. Shadowhunters were meant to do anything, use anything, to fulfill a mission. Jace and Izzy had both easily seduced people and had sex with them to get information; to fulfill a mission. Sure, Izzy favored doing this trick on Meliorn but she had done it to many others. It was no big deal. Just sex. Wasn’t that a very small price to pay for Jace’s freedom and safety? It was just sex.

“If I do this….it’s the last thing? You will not….do more?” Alec asked in a small voice, looking up at Aldertree with an almost pleading look.

Aldertree grinned darkly; victory was within his grasp!

“Yes,” Aldertree agreed.

“And Jace goes free? Unharmed? You won’t touch him, at all!” Alec insisted, a mixture of nervousness, fear and protectiveness for his parabatai in his words.

“As we agreed.”

“And his slate is wiped clean. He keeps his rank and position,” Alec went on.

“Yes. You on the other hand….well, after this we still need a talk about how to pay for your open defiance towards the Clave,” Aldertree reminded him, letting the hidden threat that that payment could be more of this hang unspoken in the air between them to add that extra push towards the boy’s unavoidable break.

“Was this not part of what you are doing now?” Alec asked insightfully.

“Partly but don’t worry; the Clave have some punishment in mind too,” Aldertree warned.

“I can take it,” Alec said, his words defiant but his tone wavered in a way it hadn’t when he had first entered Aldertree’s office.

“Let’s see,” Aldertree just said. “Decide. Leave now or do as you’re told and turn and bend over the desk.”

Alec hesitated for a few seconds more before taking the decision they both knew he would take.

“Fine!” Alec said angrily, hiding his nervousness with his anger as he rose and went to the desk, putting his hands on it, standing stiff and unmoving.

Alec instinctively flinched when Aldertree came up behind him, his words close to his ear.

“Drop your pants.”

Alec took a shaking breath as he undid his pants and pushed them to his ankles with hands he fought to stop shaking. _It was just sex; no big deal_ , Alec kept telling himself. People did it all the time. With strangers. In back alleys. This was a small price to pay for Jace’s safe return.

After catching Aldertree’s look Alec blushed as he pulled his underwear down too, leaving his ass bare. Aldertree disappeared back behind him and Alec tensed even more.

“I….I haven’t…” Alec mumbled nervously, wanting to say he had never had sex, never done anything, unsure if that would make Aldertree go easier or harder on him.

“Bend further over the desk,” Aldertree ordered sharply, interrupting him.

Blushing Alec did as ordered and tried hard to relax his body. He knew enough about how this went to know it would not do him any favors to be so tense. When Aldertree placed a hand to his ass Alec almost jumped but forced himself to stand still. He let his mind wonder, focus on something else. He started counting backwards from a thousand and it helped him relax.

“Are you shivering? A whore like you?” Aldertree mocked as he felt Alec fight to try to stop the slight shaking.

“I’m not a whore,” Alec protested, blushing even more, but the words were weakened by his nervousness and uncertainty of what was going to happen.

“Come on! Associating with Downworlders and then male ones at that! We all know how that goes,” Aldertree reminded him darkly.

Before Alec had time to reply he felt a lube-covered finger be pushed inside of him, all the way.

“Shit!” Alec got out, the surprise more than pain making him jump at the intrusion.

He had never done something like this before. It wasn’t painful just…weird.

“That good, is it?” Aldertree taunted.

Ale fought to relax and breathe as Aldertree soon added a second and then a third finger, stretching him quickly.

“Fuck, slow down!” Alec got out, fighting to relax and take the stretch.

Despite the lube, it was not easy, not made easier by his nervousness that made him tense as a bowstring. It wasn’t painful but just….rushed and felt more like a medical examination than anything else. He started to wonder why people even did this; it didn’t seem like something that gave much of a physical reaction.

“Shall I remind you that you are not in control here, Alexander?” Aldertree warned.

“No. I get that. But….” Alec started to say as Aldertree removed his fingers and he could breathe easier again.

“You will learn your place. You will learn to do as you’re told!” Aldertree warned.

Aldertree decided there really was no need to prepare him further; certain he was already doing this left and right at the club. He knew how these people were after all! He positioned himself at Alec’s entrance and pushed all the way in, surprised at how tight it was, how good it felt. Not that that made him gay. Never! It was just his body reacting. Nothing wrong with enjoying his job, now was there?

“Fuck!” Alec cried as Aldertree pushed all the way in, fighting to breathe, his grip on the table tightening almost painfully.

Aldertree was bigger than his fingers. A lot bigger. It burned and made Alec fell full in a way he had never felt before. Aldertree was still for a moment, giving him time to adjust and Alec took a calming breath.

Aldertree felt it when Alec was more relaxed around him and he pulled out and tried to angle himself just right, knowing what he was searching for. He had to try a few times until he got the angle right and Alec gave the reaction he had hoped for.

“Ah!” Alec yelled when Aldertree managed to angle himself so he hit his prostate, sending waves of pleasure through him and making his cock awaken.

Having gotten the angle right Aldertree created a rhythm where he hit Alec’s prostate on every thrust, making Alec have to strangle moans of pleasure every time. Alec shut his eyes, biting his lower lip hard enough to draw blood, hoping the pain would stop his cock from reacting. He hated he couldn’t stop his body’s reaction. He hated Aldertree; he hated everything about this. He tried to think of something disgusting to force his erection down but Aldertree had created a quick pace that kept disrupting his thoughts whenever he hit his prostate.

Alec tasted blood from where he was biting himself and he dug his nails hard into the desk but the pain wasn’t enough to make his erection fade. His body was determined to betray him and Alec just prayed Aldertree wouldn’t notice and he would finish soon.

“Let me hear you say you love this,” Aldertree demanded, knowing fucking Alec alone was not enough to break him. He needed a bit more. He needed to show Alec his place in a way he would never forget so he would never again question the Clave!

Alec blushed a deep shade of pink in shame and humiliation. Did Aldertree know? Did he know what he was doing had made him erect? That he had to fight to stop the waves of pleasure he felt when he hit his prostate?

“I….” Alec started but the humiliation and shame was too much and the words got stuck in his throat.

“Go on. Or do you want something like this to happen to Jace instead?” Aldertree warned as he pulled out and then pushed forcefully back in, using his hands on Alec’s hips to guide himself. Aldertree now knew what would make Alec submit so he used the same threat again, spicing it up a bit to be sure Alec would do as he was told.

“Prisons are horrible places you know. I doubt your parabatai would enjoy taking it up the ass as much as you do!”

The threat had the desired effect.

“I….love it,” Alec forced out, his eyes burning with unshed tears from the realization that maybe he did love it; his body was ignoring his mind and his heart and reacting to what was happening. Did that mean he loved it? Aldertree’s insults, calling him a slut and a whore, suddenly seemed to hurt so much more.

“Well done!” Aldertree praised, loving that note of helplessness and hopelessness he could hear on Alec’s voice.

“Ah,” Alec mumbled, biting his lip to keep from saying anything else as Aldertree pushed partially forcefully into him, sending waves of pleasure though him when he hit his prostate.

“You’re so tight. I haven’t thought a whore like you would feel so good around my cock. I guess I can see why the Warlock wants you because lets be honest here, Alec. You have very few other desirable attributes,” Aldertree said in a lust-filled voice close to Alec’s ear, having finally figured out what would help trigger Alec’s downfall; his fear and insecurities. His feeling of inadequacy.

“No,” Alec moaned brokenly, shaking his head in denial as if he could will the words away.

“Yes,” Aldertree insisted, knowing he was on the right track.

Alec couldn’t draw strength from the Warlock and his parabatai if he made him believe they would never have anything to do with him again. Aldertree considered himself a good judge of character. He had seen Alec’s injuries after overtraining; the boy was prone to self-harm. It would be easy to push at his layer of confidence; underneath was a river of doubt and pain and fear just waiting to be unleashed.

“So good for me. Such an obedient little whore you are. Does your parabatai know what a cock slut you are? Should I tell him?” Aldertree went on.

Alec blushed, fighting down the shame he felt at the words.

“Stop it,” Alec almost begged, his voice almost inaudible.

“You can stop this at any time, Alexander. Remember you **chose** this. You are **still** choosing this,” Aldertree reminded him darkly as he pulled out and then pushed forcefully back in.

“Fuck,” Alec got out, fighting to stand still, fighting to breathe, ashamed as waves of pleasure washed over him, making him leak pre-come.

“I want you to come. Squeeze me and help get me off when you do,” Aldertree ordered, his breath hot against Alec’s skin.

“No,” Alec mumbled, tears coming to his eyes in shame as Aldertree managed to hit his prostate just right again and he had to strangle a moan of pleasure.

“Come on now. Do it and tell me you want me to come inside of you,” Aldertree ordered.

He could feel Alec was close to breaking, he could feel it!

“I….” Alec started in a low voice but then stopped, his shame too great to continue.

“Do you want me to do it for you?” Aldertree asked, almost kindly, as he reached a hand towards Alec’s erect cock.

“I’ll do it!” Alec insisted, blushing furiously, feeling ashamed his body could even react to this.

He had dreamed of Magnus fucking him, taking him over his desk. As he started to pump himself quickly, wanting to get it over with, he closed his eyes and imagined that whenever Aldertree hit his prostate that it was Magnus. That it was Magnus he felt inside. Magnus that was bringing him pleasure.

Aldertree felt it when Alec gave in, gave up. The way his body tightened, the way he threw his head back.

“I want you to come inside of me,” Alec cried as he came all over his own hand, his cheeks hot with shame and tears was running down his cheeks.

Aldertree smirked darkly, knowing he had won. The joy of this made him feel high and with a few more hard thrusts he came explosively inside the young man beneath him.

Aldertree took a deep breath to calm down, careful to keep standing and not lean on Alec. He barely glanced at Alec now; only registered he was still and unmoving, fighting to get his own breathing back under control.

Alec winced as Aldertree pulled out, fighting to keep standing, his knuckles around the desk white. Aldertree looked dispassionately at him as he rearranged his clothes. He fisted Alec’s hair, forcing his head back to look into his eyes. Alec’s eyes were glassy, tears on his cheeks, his expression empty, and his eyes dead, his cheeks still red with shame and humiliation at what had happened. Aldertree smirked darkly; he had won.

“Do you think the Warlock would ever want you again after this? After knowing you got off from this?” Aldertree spat the words at him, seeing what was left of the boy’s soul shatter and break at the words.

With a triumphant smile, Aldertree released his hold in Alec’s hair and stepped away from him. With the last of his strength, of his willpower, taken from him, Alec sank ungracefully to the floor, his pants still around his ankles, heaving for breath, fighting to calm down.

“I don’t have time for you to have a panic attack in my office. Pull yourself together, clean your face and get out. I have a meeting in ten minutes,” Aldertree ordered coldly as he walked around the desk and sat down in his chair.

Utterly humiliated, dismissed like a common whore, Alec fought himself to his feet, using the desk for leverage. Blushing and looking at the floor, fighting to stop himself from shaking, Alec managed to stand on his feet. He hastily pulled up his pants, ignoring the mess and the ache he was feeling. He then almost angrily wiped his face with his sleeve, rubbing so hard his face turned red and he winced from the pain.

“An….And Jace?” Alec got out, his voice ruined from the rough blowjob and his emotions, his eyes still on the floor.

Aldertree took out his steele and sent off a fire message.

“There. He will be released and should be at the Warlock’s loft where we arrested him in less than two hours,” Aldertree said matter of fact.

Alec just nodded, his expression dead as he turned and with slow steps walked to the door, his body aching, his heart and mind on fire with shame and humiliation at Aldertree’s words and actions, his own words and actions, unable to reconcile it to himself. He took his steele and lifted his shirt to draw an iratze just above his waistline. The rune helped ease the bruises and the physical strain enough for him to stand up straight but it didn’t remove the shame and it didn't heal his soul. Alec walked to the door, his hand on the handle still shaking slightly when Aldertree’s voice stopped him.

“You can wash away the evidence of your submission but you and I will always know what happened here. What you **chose** to do. We now both know what kind of person you are. You can never remove that. You will remember **this** , remember **me** , forever,” Aldertree told him in a triumphant voice.

The words hit Alec like rocks thrown at his heart and he visibly sank. Aldertree watched Alec leave with a superior look; he had won!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... I broke Alec. Poor baby. Let's see if we can't put him a bit back together in chapter 2; I do try to always (somewhat) fix the toys I break ;)


	2. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Jace get revenge on Aldertree. Then they return home to start their life-long vigil over Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to my awesome and overworked beta readers Monochromatize and Cindy for great work as always.  
> Chapter warnings: Magnus and Alec torture Aldertree and then sends his soul to Edom; thus killing him. And they are very fine with this. Also mentions Alec's fragile mind and Magnus changing his memories to save his sanity.

**Please read chapter notes for chapter warnings**

# Chapter 2: Revenge

Two weeks had passed and Aldertree was feeling like the cat who got the cream. Alec had been away for three days after the episode in his office. Aldertree had feared maybe he had pushed the boy too far; broken him too much. But then he had returned. He had seemed distant and cold towards him, like before or maybe more so, but he had expected as much as he had arrested Jace. However, Alec had seemed to instinctively withdraw from him, always making sure they never touched and were never alone in a room, a reaction that seemed to surprise even Alec as if he was unsure why he did it. Alec did seem to want to get the upcoming Clave punishment over with and Aldertree was wondering what punishment to select.

He had been surprised that Jace had showed such protectiveness towards Alec when he had returned to work at the same time Alec returned; almost tearing Alec forcefully away or shielding him with his body whenever he was near. He had expected this to shatter and break the parabatai bond for good. He was unsure if Jace had felt Alec’s humiliation through the bond but if he had, he had expected Jace to turn from him in disgust. Instead, he seemed to have become overprotective. A week later Isabelle had followed Jace’s example and had pulled Alec away from him or with her out a room whenever he was near if Jace hadn’t done so already.

Aldertree was puzzled by this. He had calculated it all very carefully. Alec had broken. He knew he had. What he had done, what he had surrendered….no Shadowhunter should respect him after that. Yet both Jace and Isabelle seemed to want to murder him and protect Alec. Very odd.

Now, almost two weeks, later, Aldertree was starting to think a repeat session was needed for Alec to truly get the message. Alec had stayed in his place but he lacked the cowed demeanor Aldertree had expected. As if certain elements from what had happened between them was missing from him. Could he be repressing it? Well, he would just have to show him, again, how things worked.

Aldertree’s thoughts were interrupted when he reached the meeting room Isabelle had wanted to bring him to, claiming she had something vital to show him that she couldn’t bring to his office.

“What did you want to show me, Isabelle?” Aldertree asked annoyed, turning towards her as soon as they had entered the room.

“I will let someone else do the talking for me this time,” Izzy said darkly, smiling evilly at him and waving as she closed and locked the door.

Aldertree looked shocked and surprised at the locked door. What in the world was going on?

“Isabelle? Isabelle, open this door right now!” Aldertree demanded strongly as he went to the door and shook the handle to no avail, suddenly aware he had left his steele in his office.

Suddenly a portal appeared in the middle of the room and Aldertree turned towards it, his body tensing for a fight. He was defenseless as he was in the Institute, not expecting an attack here. He wasn’t sure if he should be worried or relieved when Magnus and Jace exited the portal.

“How did you get in here? The Institute is warded!” Aldertree protested, his eyes wide with surprise, looking with apprehension at the Warlock and the Nephilim, taking in the Angel Blade by Jace’s hip and the dark look in their eyes.

“Who do you think made the wards?” Magnus asked darkly, the implications of his words clear.

“What are you doing here? Both of you?” Aldertree asked, getting a bad feeling,

Could they know? What he had demanded from Alec? No. no way. Even if they did surely they would not care. In fact, they would have been disgusted with Alec; at least he was certain Jace surely had to be. Even as Valentine’s son or maybe precisely because he was his son, he if any knew of Idris’ law and customs; the need to keep their Angel blood pure. He wouldn’t care about what he had done. Neither of them would. No, that couldn’t possibly be it.

“Did you seriously think you could harm both Raphael and Alexander and I would not come after you?” Magnus asked dangerously, his cat eyes showing, waving a warning finger at Aldertree.

Aldertree sank, fighting to remain standing as Magnus and Jace came to a stop before him and the portal closed.

“The Accords…” Aldertree began in a strong voice.

“The Accords are not worth the parchment they are written on!” Magnus thundered and let his magic loose.

A magical lasso laid around Aldertree’s neck, squeezing, stealing his breath.

“Jace! Nothing can save you if you don’t stop him,” Aldertree warned, gasping for breath.

Jace’s eyes lit up golden as he said in a sinister voice, “Oh. I won’t stop him. I will help him!”

“What?” Aldertree gasped in surprise and beginning fear.

Jace drew a small dagger from his side holster and held it to Aldertree’s cheek, drawing a line from his eyeball to his lip, making a fine red line appear.

“Valentine taught me some rather useful things. How to withstand torture….and how to inflict it,” Jace told him menacingly.

“But believe me, Aldertree, when I say that all Nephilim are babies when it comes to torture compared to the skills I learned while with my father in Hell!” Magnus told Aldertree ominously.

“What? No!” Aldertree protested, going pale.

He knew who Magnus’ demon father was. Asmodeus. The fallen Angel. No, no! They were not meant to be here. They should have rejected Alec. Turned him away. Why were they protecting him?

“What? You really thought you could touch someone who was **my** parabatai and **his** boyfriend and you would not suffer a painful death for even considering it?!” Jace warned darkly and moved his dagger to cut a similar line down Aldertree’s other cheek, smirking when the action drew a small hiss of pain from Aldertree.

“I….I didn’t think any of you would want to have anything to do with him! Not after…” Aldertree protested, his words dying away.

“After what? You used him? Abused him?” Magnus asked darkly, tightening his magical rope around Aldertree’s neck for a moment, making him gasp for air, before releasing it a bit so he wasn’t strangled.

“He needed to learn his place. We can’t have his kind believing they have a place in Idris; in particular not a position of power!” Aldertree protested, heaving for air.

“Oh. I really can’t wait to tear you apart piece by piece,” Jace said darkly, playing with his knife across Aldertree’s face, making small cuts that made Aldertree flinch more from the sudden sting than the pain.

“Let’s start by you feeling like you are being burned alive. Then we will work our way through the other major torture groups: blunt, sharp, cold, and loud,” Magnus declared and nodded to Jace who pulled his knife back while giving Aldertree an evil grin at what was to come.

Aldertree didn’t have to wait long. Soon his whole body felt like it was being burned, invisible flames engulfing him everywhere. He screamed and screamed and screamed as pure agony went through him.

The next thing Aldertree registered was someone slapping him, hard, on the cheek and yelling into his face, “Wake up!”

“What?” Aldertree mumbled as he came to and saw he was now tied to a chair, ropes around his wrists. He was still in the meeting room, Jace standing before him, having slapped him, while Magnus stood a bit away, observing him with his cat eyes and a thin smile.

“It is no fun torturing you when you aren’t conscious, Aldertree,” Magnus complained and did a ‘no, no’ motion with one hand.

“It’s my turn now!” Jace declared as he put his dagger to Aldertree’s right hand, grinning darkly when Aldertree’s eyes widened in fear as the knife kissed his skin. “I think I will go with sharp and see how many pieces I can cut from you without killing you.”

“Someone….someone will come. Will see,” Aldertree, insisted, his voice having taken on a panicked and fearful tone.

“Oh, here?” Magnus asked and waved at the meeting room. “Don’t worry about that. The lovely Isabelle has said this room is off limits and just to be sure I have cast a spell on the room.”

“So in other words no one is coming, you asshole!” Jace recapped and with a sinister grin, he pushed the dagger down and through Aldertree’s hand, piercing skin and flesh.

“No!” Aldertree screamed as agony flooded him from the stab wound through his hand.

Jace took his sweet time with him but eventually Aldertree passed out from the pain, helped along by Magnus aiding Jace in the sharp department here and there.

When Aldertree came to again, he was back to being tied to the chair. The worst wounds had been healed but he was still in agony every time he breathed; he had been healed just enough to stay conscious.

“Want to go another round?” Magnus asked darkly when he saw Aldertree was awake again.

“No, no. No more, please,” Aldertree begged weakly, shaking his head, having given up on pride and dignity long ago, just wanting it all to end.

“Maybe we should remove his tongue; the begging is getting annoying,” Jace commented, giving Aldertree a look that could freeze oceans. His eyes darkened as he added, “Besides, he used that tongue to hurt Alec so I say it goes!”

“Good idea but let’s wait till later. I want to hear him scream a bit more first!” Magnus said darkly as he advanced on Aldertree. Blue magical fog appeared in Magnus’ hand as he said, “I think we have reached cold…”

Aldertree didn’t last long that time but he was again awoken by Jace slapping him hard in the face and yelling, “Aldertree! Aldertree! Wake up!”

“What?” Aldertree asked weakly, fighting to focus to see Jace and Magnus look at him.

“There you are. You died on us and not for the first time either. Stop doing that when we are having fun,” Magnus said with an evil smirk.

“What are we at now?” Jace asked almost conversationally. “Loud?”

The dark look in their eyes made Aldertree recoil and he shook his head as he said, “What? No, no, no!”

“Oh, yes!” Magnus insisted darkly.

Every torture session was worse than the previous one and even being unconscious or dead only gave Aldertree a short break.

Finally, after several more rounds, when Aldertree came to this time he heard Jace’s voice say, “We should get back to Alec.”

“I have slowed down time in this room. Alexander should still be asleep from the spell I put on him; for the outside world only about 1 hour has passed,” Magnus said.

Aldertree saw he was still tied to the chair in the meeting room and his heart sank; it wasn’t over yet.

“Please,” Aldertree begged desperately, his whole body on fire with agony.

His voice caught Magnus and Jace’s attention who turned to look at him.

“Mercy? From us, Aldertree? You are barking up the wrong tree,” Jace warned with a sinister smile.

“But you are right. This is getting old,” Magnus agreed.

“Thank the Angel,” Aldertree got out, hoping he could find relief from the pain in death.

“Victor, listen carefully. I will kill you now. For good,” Magnus told him seriously, putting a hand on his chin and forcing his head up so they locked eyes.

“Yes, please,” Aldertree begged, having nothing left in him any longer.

Aldertree wanted death, he longed for it. If he had had the presence of mind he would have wondered how he could have underestimated Alec so much; underestimated the love the Warlock and the parabatai had for him. But he didn’t.

“When you **do** die I will send your soul to Edom, to my father. He will take good care of you. Special care. For eternity,” Magnus promised, his cat eyes shining in hatred.

“What? I am Nephilim. I go to Heaven,” Aldertree protested in confusion.

“Not any longer,” Jace supplied helpfully with a dark look. He then added, “By the way; I think we promised to remove your tongue.” He paused and looked at Magnus as he asked, “Do you want to do it using magic? Else I can do it.”

To emphasize his suggestion Jace showed Aldertree his dagger in warning, making him pale even further.

“Too much mess. Here,” Magnus said and snapped his fingers and suddenly Aldertree could no longer scream or speak; his tongue having been magically removed.

Aldertree tried to scream in pain but no sound escaped his lips.

“You are almost bearable when you can shut up,” Jace taunted Aldertree darkly.

“No. No!!!!” Aldertree wanted to object but couldn’t; knowing full well what care from Asmodeus meant. An eternity of torture. Forever. Never ending. If Magnus and Jace were just the students he would hate to meet a master at this. And here he had thought he knew torture; that he knew how it was done. How wrong he had been.

“First though I have some memories of pain and humiliation, shame and degradation I want to give you,” Magnus said as he placed a hand on each side of Aldertree’s face, near his temples.

Aldertree looked at Magnus’ hands with fear and worry.

“This is something I learned from my friend, the Crow. A concentrated dose of the physical and emotional torment you put **my** Alexander through!” Magnus thundered.

Magic poured from Magnus’ hands and into Aldertree.

Aldertree tried to scream, scream and continue to scream but no sound escaped his lips.

He was flooded with Alec’s pain and fears. He saw everything, saw and felt his pain and his shame. He saw that it had been his first time. He felt him break. He felt his soul shatter. He felt it as keenly as if it was his own. Tears fell from his eyes unnoticed as Alec’s echoed pain overwhelmed him.

“Say hi to my father from me,” Magnus said darkly.

As Magnus drew back from Aldertree he snapped his fingers and Aldertree’s soul disappeared, only to reappear at his father’s palace in Edom.

“Nice trick. I want to meet this Crow,” Jace said as he put his dagger away and looked at Aldertree’s lifeless body, still tied to the chair.

“Oh, I can arrange that. Brandon Lee is amazing,” Magnus assured him.

“If you say so,” Jace commented, unsure what that meant.

Magnus did a gesture in the air and sent off a fire message. At Jace’s look he explained, “I sent a fire message to Izzy about Aldertree’s body being ready for her now.”

Magnus snapped his fingers and the room was cleaned up, the blood was gone, Magnus and Jace’s clothes was cleaned and Aldertree’s body was without a scar or scratch, intact, lying on the floor.

“There. All cleaned up,” Magnus said satisfied.

“What will she say happened to him?” Jace asked curiously, as he looked down at Aldertree’s dead body dispassionately.

“At the autopsy she will find Yin Fen in his system. He will be disgraced and his body will be buried at the cemetery of the disgraced,” Magnus told him the story Izzy had come up with.

“Couldn’t have happened to a more deserving asshole,” Jace said with glee as he kicked lightly at Aldertree’s right foot.

“So true,” Magnus agreed darkly, looking down at Aldertree’s dead body.

“Let’s get home to Alec. He can’t wake up alone,” Jace said worried.

Magnus shook his head as he reassured him, “He won’t. He will never wake up alone. He will never be alone ever again.”

“No, he won’t. We will protect him,” Jace said strongly, his words a vow.

“We will indeed,” Magnus agreed just as determined as he made a portal back to the loft one-handed.

“Come,” Magnus said as he walked through the portal, Jace following.

They exited in the living room of the loft and they both made it straight to the bedroom Magnus and Alec shared, looking with relief at the sleeping Nephilim lying in the middle of the big bed blissfully unaware of what had just happened.

“Should we wake him? Just to check he’s ok?” Jace asked as he came to a stop by the bed, looking down at Alec with a concerned look, trying hard not to sound too eager to do just that.

Magnus sat by Alec’s bedside and gave him a fond look.

“Yes. Let’s do that,” Magnus agreed, stroking Alec’s hair lovingly.

Magnus touched Alec’s cheek and magic went into the sleeping boy.

“Magnus?” Alec asked softly, blinking a few times, fighting to wake up. He smiled warmly as soon he saw the Warlock.

“Hi, darling,” Magnus said lovingly.

Alec’s expression was filled with love and tenderness before a shadow went across his face and he asked worried, “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine,” Magnus assured him, taking hold of Alec’s nearest hand and kissing his knuckles tenderly.

Alec smiled affectionately, a bit shyly, overwhelmed by the sweet gesture. Then something seemed to occur to him.

“Jace! Is Jace ok?” Alec asked panicked.

“I’m here, Alec. I’m fine,” Jace said calmly, walking closer and sitting next to Magnus on the bed. He gave Alec’s nearest arm a warm squeeze.

“Thank the Angel!” Alec said relived. He looked from Magnus to Jace as he started to say, “I had a bad feeling….never mind.”

“What happened?” Jace asked carefully when Alec stopped himself.

“I just felt, I don’t know, anxious or something about you both,” Alec admitted with a hint of confusion, looking from Jace to Magnus. “In a bit of a different way. Like afraid if you were ok and afraid maybe Magnus was upset with me or something.”

“I'm not upset with you,” Magnus assured him, his tone certain and warm.

Alec smiled widely, letting his words calm and comfort him.

“Thank you. I love you,” Alec said happily.

“I love you too, Alexander,” Magnus replied easily, smiling as he bent down and kissed his lips affectionately.

“If you feel up for it we could have some lunch together?” Jace suggested.

“Lunch? I slept that late? I never sleep late,” Alec protested, looking confused again.

“You were exhausted after yesterday. Don’t you remember that Jace and you had been on a hunt and got home very late?” Magnus told him.

Magnus’ hand, still holding Alec’s, glowed just a bit, enough to help arrange the needed memories. Jace and Alec had in fact been late and had been on a hunt but Alec had not slept late due to that but due to the spell Magnus had put on him. However, Magnus couldn’t admit he had cast a sleeping spell on him so Jace and him could go take care of Aldertree.

“Oh. Yes. Now I do. Ok, yes, sure,” Alec said with a nod and a smile as his memories settled into place.

“Good. I will try not to ruin the food,” Jace promised, trying to lighten the mood.

Jace gave Alec’s arm one last reassuring squeeze before he got up and went to the door.

“Then ask Magnus to conjure it,” Alec suggested, going along with the joke.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Jace mock protested.

Alec smiled but when Jace turned to walk out of the bedroom Alec’s voice stopped him, “Jace?”

Jace turned to look at him questioning as he asked, “Yes?

Alec gave him an intense look and as if he couldn’t control his words or his emotions he said, “I would be nothing without you. I would not be able to live without you. I need you. I love you. You are my parabatai. The other part of me. You know, right?”

Jace smiled reassuringly at him as he said, “Yes, I do, Alec. I feel the same. I love you too.”

Alec smiled as Jace left the room, unsure why he had just said that. It was as if something had shaken their bond and he needed to reassure himself everything was all right again.

“Ok, darling. I will let you get dressed. Love you,” Magnus said as he kissed Alec’s forehead tenderly as he rose.

“Love you too,” Alec said after him as Magnus existed the bedroom.

“He seems….better,” Jace commented hopefully when Magnus joined him in the kitchen where he was taking out plates and cutlery for lunch.

“He is but his feelings are still raw and jumbled. I removed the memory of trauma from his mind but his feelings and his soul still carry the scars,” Magnus warned.

“Will it get better?” Jace asked sadly.

“Maybe in time now that I removed the memory from his mind,” Magnus answered with a pained sigh.

When Alec had come back after what Aldertree had asked of him….had done…Alec had claimed he had been fine. Jace and Magnus had been worried. He had seemed changed; there was no spark in his eyes, no life in his face. He had felt tired and drained all the time and had not gone to work the next day. Jace had been puzzled as to why he had been let go; Magnus had been confused by it too. However, Alec had just said it had been sorted and there was nothing to worry about now.

The first two days Alec had seemed as if in shock, frozen. Sleeping a lot. Then he had broken down and cried in Magnus' arms when he had found him hurting himself. Jace and Magnus had been left very worried and confused; unsure what had happened to Alec but knowing it had been bad.

Then on the third day Alec had shown suicidal tendencies, asking Magnus if a parabatai could be shielded if the other died. Jace and Magnus had gotten very worried over the depression and lack of life in Alec and had decided to take drastic measures. Magnus had cast a spell to see the memories of what Aldertree had done and they had realized that Aldertree, or maybe rather the Clave, had wanted Alec broken to stop his rebellious ideas. And it had worked. There was no rebellion left in Alec; no fight, no light. Nothing.

Jace and Magnus knew well how Idris would have reacted if they had known Alec had had a mental breakdown; he would no longer be a Shadowhunter. He would be sent to the Silent Brothers for treatment and he would likely stay there forever. That was not a happy outlook at all nor would it help Alec; it was more a way to place him out of mind and out of sight. As a warrior society, Idris had no use for the broken toys left behind and no desire for them to be in plain view. Jace and Magnus had debated the morality of the matter but had decided Alec's happiness was more important. Magnus had therefore removed the memory of the trauma from Alec's mind and life. At once hope and color had reappeared in Alec's heart. However, a part of his subconscious mind still seemed to remember the trauma, leaving him forever stuck between love for his boyfriend and parabatai and fear of losing them without fully understanding why he felt that way.

“And feed it to Aldertree. I loved that part,” Jace said darkly.

Magnus smiled evilly at the memory before the pain returned.

“However, the residual emotions from Alec’s ordeal remain. He is, as you once told me, a sensitive boy,” Magnus admitted softly.

“Is that why he said I love you to us both just now?” Jace realized as he continued to lay out the table.

Magnus nodded grimly as he said, “Yes. He had not said that to me before it happened. He says what he feels now, unfiltered.”

Jace could see how that could go wrong; many Nephilim would see it as a sign of weakness to show such emotions.

“Izzy will help us shield him. Clary too. I only mentioned a bit of what had happened to them; I just said Aldertree had hurt him and not to bring it up to Alec. They will cover for him too,” Jace said as he returned to the kitchen to get glasses for the table.

“Good. The Clave can never know what state this left him in," Magnus warned anguished.

They both knew why this was so important; with the memories Alec had been broken and in constant pain. Jace and Magnus had tried to help, to heal him, but Alec's pain had been beyond them to fix. In the end they had decided on the only thing they could think of that would save him. They could not let him be sent off to the Silent Brothers and just dumped somewhere and forgotten about as if he was some dirty little secret.

“I wish he hadn’t done that for me. I could have endured whatever they had thrown at me just fine. Why in the world did he do it?” Jace wondered and not for the first time, pain and guilt clear in his tone.

“I believe you could endure it,” Magnus said frankly. “However, I don’t think **he** could have endured it.”

If there was one thing that was clear when it came to Alec then it was that the pain of others, in particular those close to him, mattered more than his own. Alec could not stand seeing those he loved suffer if he could do anything at all to lessen it.

“How can I best help him heal now?” Jace asked frankly, naked need and helplessness clear in his tone.

“Well, stay in my guestroom for a while. After that, I will conjure up a flat next to mine you can stay in but I don’t think you can or should ever be further apart from him than that. He doesn’t remember what happened as I took the memory from him but his feelings has been left raw and exposed. This feeling of needing you, of fearing for you….it might well last his whole life without any way for him to filter it or dull it somewhat,” Magnus explained seriously, a hint of sadness and loss clear in his voice.

As Magnus had taken the memory he had also taken the possibility for this wound to ever heal. So Alec was stuck here now; with these leftover feelings echoing through him. It was an unforeseen side effect but having the memory had been breaking him. In an ideal world, the solution to remove Alec's memories would have left no side effects but life was never ideal, fair or easy. Everything had a price.

“And you? His feelings for you?” Jace asked.

“That’s the same. He’s very raw in his emotions but in many ways this has enabled me to be open with him as well in a way I probably would not have been for a long time, afraid to get hurt again. However, the way Alec is now he can’t lie, he can’t deceive; he can’t hurt any of us. It is no longer possible for him. So knowing that I have been able to love him truly and fully and without reservations,” Magnus admitted honestly.

Jace nodded in satisfaction at hearing that as he said, “Good.”

“I will protect him. I will never harm him. I truly do love him, Jace,” Magnus said seriously, heartfelt.

“I know. Thank you for taking care of him,” Jace said emotionally.

“I trust you to do the same when you are at the Institute,” Magnus reminded him.

“I always will,” Jace swore.

“Good,” Magnus said with a smile before turning the conversation on to other topics. “Did you contact Imogen yet as I suggested? You are her grandson. You should use this to your advantage.”

“Yes. Yesterday,” Jace said. He paused before he said gratefully, “Thank you again for finding those memories for me so I finally know for sure who I am.”

“You should have asked me earlier. I mean you met me over Clarissa’s memories so obviously I am more than able to remove or recover memories so I am puzzled why any of you would just believe Valentine,” Magnus protested, unable to understand why they had done that.

“Yes, yes. I agree. It was idiotic to put it mildly,” Jace admitted with a hint of embarrassment.

“True,” Magnus agreed with a teasing smile. He then sobered as he reminded Jace, “Anyway, as we discussed then we need to get Alexander into a position of power so we won’t ever have an Aldertree situation ever again. We need the threat the Clave is to him removed and the only way to do that is to see Alec's vision through and change the way things are done in Idris. To do that we need power and influence.”

“I will contact her tomorrow when it is official Aldertree is dead and suggest Alec takes over as Head of the Institute,” Jace decided.

Magnus nodded in approval as he said, “Great.”

“What are you two talking about?” Alec asked with a smile as he joined them in the kitchen.

“I was just telling Jace how amazing you are, darling,” Magnus assured him.

As soon as Alec was close enough Magnus pulled him into a warm kiss with an arm around his waist. Alec easily melted into the kiss and held around Magnus’ neck.

“Oh? Really?” Alec asked shyly, blushing.

“Oh, yes,” Magnus insisted as he kissed him again.

“I love you, Alexander,” Magnus said affectionately as they drew apart.

“I love you too,” Alec said happily, smiling at him, his eyes wide and joyful.

Jace smiled at them, happy for Alec’s happiness.

“Ok, let’s eat. Izzy said she would drop by later to say hi,” Jace proclaimed as he went to the dining table.

Magnus snapped his fingers and the table was full of food, wine and drinks.

“Sounds nice,” Alec agreed as he sat down so Jace was on one side of him, Magnus on the other.

Magnus and Jace felt the need to care for Alec in some way, any way, so they both reached for something to put on his plate.

“Here,” Jace said and put two rolls on Alec’s plate.

“You love these,” Magnus reminded Alec as he handed him a bowl with a dish he liked.

Alec looked amused but warmly at the two men as he took the bowl Magnus was offering and put some on his plate before putting it back on the table.

“Are you two trying to overfeed me?” Alec teased as Magnus poured wine for them all.

“Just being polite. That thing you claim I should learn to be,” Jace defended himself, trying to cover for his overprotectiveness so Alec would not get suspicious. However, Jace doubted he would ever stop being overprotective towards Alec. He had let him out of his sight once, he had let him become a second priority once. That would never happen again. Ever!

Alec shook his head in amusement.

“Anyway, thank you but I really don’t need any such taking care of. From either of you,” Alec said with a hint of confusion but affection as he looked from his boyfriend to his parabatai.

“I'm fine,” Alec insisted with a warm smile as he took a sip of his wine.

Magnus and Jace shared a look when Alec wasn’t paying attention. No, he wasn’t fine. He would never be fine again. However, they would protect him, take care of him, be his shield and make sure he would always believe he was fine. They would fight the darkness and repeal the bullets. They would make sure the Clave never knew; they would help remove any and all obstacles facing him no matter what it would take. Then Alec could focus on changing the world, on changing the Accords and improving Downworlder-Nephilim relations as he had always wanted. They would ensure his dreams could still come true by carrying the pieces of his soul inside their hearts.

They would dedicate their lives to see Alec safe and his dream for a new world come to pass. To Jace and Magnus that was not a sacrifice; that was love. Alec had shown again and again that he would sacrifice everything for love and he almost had. He had almost sacrificed himself, his soul, who he was. Just as Alec’s love had kept Magnus and Jace safe on multiple occasions so would their love protect him now and keep him safe moving forward. Jace and Magnus would carry the memory of the ordeal Alec had suffered for him. They would carry that burden for him and keep vigil over his broken soul forever. Alec would never know and that was how they intended to keep it for knowing the truth would shatter him.

_What’s love without tragedy? What’s love without sacrifice?_

Some loves burn bright and fast, some loves are like glowing embers, some loves last mere moments while others can last a lifetime. Some loves break easily; some loves are unbreakable.

The love Alec had for Magnus was like a star; bright and glowing, strong and lasting the whole span of the universe. The love Alec had for Jace was like a fire; all-consuming and intense, protective and ever-present.

To Alec there was no love without sacrifice; there was no love without effort. He gave his whole heart to Magnus and his whole soul to Jace, trusting his heart and soul would be safe there with the two men who in different ways meant more to Alec than life itself.

Alec would spend rest of his life focusing on changing the politics in the Shadow World while raising a family; Magnus always there by his side and his parabatai close by, always shielding him and guiding him on his way. They had all made sacrifices in different ways but none of them ever felt it was a sacrifice. For when you love someone what is sacrifice but just another way of saying ‘I love you'?

_The end_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making the bad guy suffer by having him relieve the pain of the victim is obviously inspired by the Crow movie. Changing memories to prevent a loved one from breaking down was inspired by a scene in the original Star Trek where Spock removes a painful memory from Kirk without Kirk knowing about it to prevent Kirk from suffering.  
> If you liked this story then a kudos and a comment would mean a lot to me (or just kudos if you are shy).


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